Braveheart, we cannot always choose our life circumstances, but we can choose our focus and our responses to what happens.
Case in point: Mother’s Day. The annual day of roller-coaster moments, love and duty mingled with angst and awkward moments. Memories made, family gatherings and grief-filtered recollections.
The illusion is that mothers are automatically happier, more fulfilled and complete.
Anne Lamott
Reading this essay by Anne Lamott is an annual ritual for me because she always speaks truth; because like her, I hate the way the “holiday makes all non-mothers, and the daughters of dead mothers, and the mothers of dead or severely damaged children, feel the deepest kind of grief and failure.”
- And like Lamott, I also “bristle at the whispered lie that you can know this level of love and self-sacrifice only if you are a parent” or that a mother-child bond can only be shared with birth children.
- The safest I have felt, and the most cared for, loved and comforted, was with my maternal grandmother and women who were in my chosen family.
I am the woman I grew to be partly in spite of my mother, and partly because of the extraordinary love of her best friends, and my own best friends’ mothers, and from surrogates, many of whom were not women at all but gay men. I have loved them my entire life, even after their passing.
Anne Lamott
Life is messy and we each have the ability to allow ourselves to feel, to process, to receive love — and to remember that each of us typically does the best we can (with or without acknowledgement, appreciation or adoration.)
Personality is shaped by a mixture of genetics, upbringing, societal expectations, environment, life experiences, and health.
Maybelle Morgan
The theme for the May download available to my Ko-fi patrons is [rest]. And I am giving myself rest from the angst of Mother’s Day — by celebrating it in a way that feels authentic and healing for me. ♥
My role as “mother” evolved into my “Gigi phase” in 2009. And I gleefully celebrate being in the “dog mom era” along with savoring time, space and conversations with my “children” (legal and otherwise).
- All of my “children” are self-supporting adults, and these relationships include some of the most meaningful and lovingly-supportive interactions anyone could wish for.
- Some of my “children” have other mothers, but kindly refer to me as their “bonus mom,” and their love and support continuously ❤️🩹 heals my momma-heart of its sorrows and questions.
- There are women I consider “mothers” (some older than me, some not) solely because of the way they nurture our relationship, offering love, wisdom and care as often as needed.
- Regarding my dog mom era, apparently the second Saturday in May is National Dog Mom’s Day. How fabulous is that? 🙂 Something else to celebrate! 🎉
Perfect love sometimes does not come until the first grandchild.
Welsh Proverb
Framing whatever happens to us with 💗 [love] 💗 is a way to heal, but also to foster empathy and understanding with regard to the people whose actions prove to be habitually hurtful and confusing.
“We all like to have words to describe what we are feeling, and I think for [many] eldest daughters, they just thought something was wrong with them or that they were going crazy. Being able to identify their emotional experience is validating and reminds them that they aren’t alone in it.” –Kati Morton
For most of my adult years I glossed over the angst of Mother’s Day. My way of keeping peace, but also a means of self-preservation; I had zero desire to open that wound. The debridement would have been more than I could even begin to tolerate.
There is no benefit in blaming people (or repeating situations) because healing can only occur when we identify, process and experience [hold space with] our feelings.
Think of blame (or any resistance) like vomit. It just doesn’t sit well in the body.
Sherianna Boyle
“Feeling validated is important because many of us have grown up in homes where our feelings were never validated.” -Yasin, Home Girls Unite
What does all of this have to do with planning?
Chronicling the details of our days is a way of understanding ourselves + mapping our desires. Tracking (and reviewing) our thoughts and routine activities reveals our beliefs and values — and helps us to discover our pace and rhythms.
Showing up for ourselves on the page along with setting aside time and space on a regular basis for both tangible and intangible processing is how we come to identify our desires + get clarity.
- Everything is an opportunity. Everything we have lived and loved, questioned and lost is a part of who we are.
And, Braveheart, there is enough time and space and energy for our dreams and desires, wishes and want-to’s (even when we doubt that enoughness).
Our dreams take time. Without some type of visual chronicle to serve as a “map” — as well as a reminder and directive — the timelines of our desires and experiences become jumbled. What matters most becomes forgotten and ignored.
Thank you kindly for your presence here, Braveheart.
I appreciate your interest and support.
~love & good wishes~
2024 Right Brain Planner® Kit | field notes | Right Brain Planner® FAQ
2024 Right Brain Planner® Kit [Theme] Kaleidoscope Perspectives ✨ [Focus] — Noticing Beauty (within the kaleidoscope of your living: the ongoing, ever-changing “formations” of color and meaning)
❤️ Braveheart, as the Creator/Artist of Right Brain Planner® I am ever-grateful to have the opportunity to share my creative work online + support other creators! 🎉
- This is possible, in part, by {you} and your presence here. But also because of the support of my Ko-fi patrons and the other other member/subscriber communities I host (via their presence, input and paid subscriptions).