creativity and the wild ride of resistance {and depression}

Art for Day 1

Art for Day 1

Dear Bright Side: After repeated attempts to look at you this morning, I admit it continues to be a struggle. That is all.

After tweeting that … and my eyes filling with tears of overwhelm being at my desk for less than a hour, and feeling like MS and depression would be the death nail in a day barely started … I decided to act and found some inspiration along the way: Continue reading

under the words, silence

Under the words you are my silenceThere is a part of me who wants to hurry, to be done — to decide and execute the editing details I have planned for this site. But I shall be true, to my-self and the process of change.

conclude before proceeding

conclude before proceeding

Sometimes the demon of self-doubt comes to tell me that I’ve been fatally divided between two crafts … I’ve always believed that in the end it was the total work which would communicate a vision of life and it really needs different modes to do that. -May Sarton, Conversations with May Sarton

When I become encumbered with the details of both real-life and living with a chronic illness, when anxiety levels rob me of focus or when MS pauses my energy, I sit with May Sarton’s writings. I imagine conversations with her about “the total work” and the strength of solitude and self-sufficiency, and that space between mile markers of The Work and Destination. 

she cycles like the moon

she cycles like the moon

I remind myself {sometimes to the point of exhaustion} that all is Grace; that what is mine cannot be taken or missed; that avoidance is the opportunity to experiment; and that the Pareto Principle, aka 80/20 Rule is true for my time, talent and want-to’s.

And then … at some point, silence. Because all else is an abominable threat.

Here under the shock of love, I am open To you,
Primal spirit, one with rock and wave,
One with survivors of flood and fire,
Who have rebuilt their homes a million times,
Who have lost their children and borne them again.
The words I hear are strength, laughter, endurance.
Old Woman I meet you deep inside myself.
There in the rootbed of fertility,
World without end, as the legend tells it.
Under the words you are my silence.
-May Sarton, When a Woman Feels Alone

today is day oneThe beginning is always today. -Mary Shelley


 she refused to respond

“I thought you were doing better.”

she refused to respond because she knew she was doing
and that better was like fine and shoulding her-self …
dreams are not measurable or limited to inane valuations

blog post // secretrebelclub.com

 

October Themes

Week 40One way to get the most out of life is to look upon it as an adventure. -William Feather

Adventure Lens: This is a lens I use frequently. Especially during times of uncertainty or times like now when MS is calling the shots. :roll:

Be wild; that is how to clear the river. -Clarissa Pinkola Estés

But — change feels wild: unexplored territory, diversions and experiments, new vantage points; opportunities of alternatives to try. Fresh. And I am in “a new season of {enough}” — so perfect timing! ;) Continue reading

Week 35 // moving through overwhelm {without being on the 10 o’clock news}

coordinates on a map

Greetings from the Lands of Piles and Too-Many-Tabs! Last week was a doosy of a l-o-n-g week of deadlines and details, depression, doubt and doing less {out of necessity}.

I had plans and I had schedules … but well that is not how it all worked out. Real life happened and it got a little too real. :shock: Continue reading

live everything // moonbeams and start lines

071214 morning moonYour present circumstances don’t determine where you can go; they merely determine where you start. -Nido Qubein

Morning of Day 6 of seven days of observations {maybe longer} … during which I have been:

  • read serendipitous passages from the various books I have piled hither and yon
  • art journal my discoveries and random thoughts
  • capture some variance of a selfie

Continue reading

Week 19 // when everything comes together & then falls apart

Week 19 week at a glanceForgotten dreams are merely dormant, like hardy, flowering perennials in need of spring days. ~me, blog post circa 2005

This past week was like a vista, with a panoramic view of when I have been and where I see my Next. I revisited my first blogs, flipped through business journals, and read pages from my personal journals … Continue reading

watch your heart start beating

do it today

Habituate yourself, to make yourself ready to dream just as you make yourself ready to sleep by going to bed at roughly the same time each night and following the same ritual as you go. In both writing and sleeping, we learn to be physically still at the same time we are encouraging our minds to unlock from the humdrum rational thinking of our daytime lives. ~Stephen King

Doing {it} today. Decisions. Notations regarding dates, appointments and deadlines.

Not the feel-good of {living} — unless … you practice being comfortable with the uncomfortable, abiding with the unanswered — unless, you will simply begin.

Continue reading