Standing at that line between will and emotion … because there are worse things than death.

13 the line

Today I am standing on the side of my will, at a line that divides it and my emotions. And I will not cross it. 

Because I am in a free fall due to MS symptoms, and doing so could be fatal. Perhaps not literally, but it would certainly lead to death … a loss of life. Because there are worse things than death.

You need to learn how to select your thoughts just the same way you select your clothes every day. This is a power you can cultivate. If you want to control things in your life so bad, work on the mind. That’s the only thing you should be trying to control. ~Elizabeth Gilbert

Serendipity and grace are faithful companions … with their sprinkled bits of light … Whimsical quips, images of art journal pages, tweets and messages — and a video clip from an outdoor concert — delivered to my phone; belated {but right on time!} birthday mail, Valentines and cookies {frosted in my favorite pattern — polka dots — and colors} delivered to my door. My rocket man staying home to care for me. These are rays of light into my current darkness.

Reading these words is light:

I choose to unwind this skein, now. I choose to reach contentment in the little things, now. I choose to unravel the sense of simple moments, now. I choose to untangle my thoughts, now. I choose to focus on the unexplained and enigmatic present, now. I choose to live between the seams of time, now. Right now. ~this moment, by Zena

Being reminded of my own practices as I read the practices of a kindred …

Speaking reminders of my own practices …

There is a visual that stays with me when I feel weary. MS as an aging, hunched-over woman with a cane + a free-spirited woman dancing as a shadow to the the elder woman. The shadow woman, light on her feet — living free — is me. I resist mentioning that crippled woman; it seems a waste of precious energy to organize syllables to describe what “she” is experiencing.

13 shy away by azchael

… I tend to shy away from people who call me “brave” or an “inspiration” … I appreciate their kindness but my days are moment-by-moment choices away from my emotional blurts and my physical desire to curl up in a dark room. When my thoughts feel like razor blades — when pain’s roars are amplified and broadcast without ceasing; when muscle weakness and nerve pain limit movement, and sitting feels like torture.

I do the best I can — every day. Some days look “prettier” than others; and I have come to prefer the messy over “nice and neat” … Because some changes {alternations; compromises} are so profound there is no way to return to what was — or “make up” for what was lost. And I have adaptedI have learned to cope {and color and collage} my way onward.

13 etsy shop

My choice to baby-step along {coping with MS} as I live my adventures as a freelance consultant and artist feels more like survival than bravery or inspiration. Because I don’t always feel like I am inspiring … I am simply a hard-headed country girl who refuses to let MS win.

It is part of my {process of becoming} … Thus, any response to these “compliments” and affirmations feels fake — trite in the midst of the wavering-walk along the line between will and emotion.

Because some days I am at the end of my rope with regard to the madness I face. And I may not choose the “nice girl way” of dealing with it … I simply stand at that damn line, turning pages — determined to roll with the changes.  ♫♫

onward

She is not broken — so she doesn’t need you to fix her. Grace and serendipity accompany her. Love wraps her wounds … She is healed; her healing simply looks different than we tend to expect or “pray” for. {I know how she feels.} ~stargardener

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