Rumpled Love + Lent; Letting go + Living Free


Learn how to breathe and when you think you are stronger, take more time. … Be patient with your heart. ~Tori Elfstrom

Seven years ago I learned how to breathe {again}. I took time. I was patient with my heart; it was being remodeled … walls which had created special places of respite, for the various roles and career choices, were being hammered to create a new space of Onward for me. My children no longer needed my daily care; they needed my love but they also needed space to explore all that was emerging within their hearts. They were independent and capable of making decisions on their own.

15 rumpled love

I was emerging from a rumpled love …

A comfortable love — a love that had weathered and passed the tests of time. I was developing new layers in my wings, giving away and letting go as a meditation. It was the Lental season, a time I have always honored as a time of reflection, as opposed to a religious practice.


Looking back, I see what a significant time it was for me. One of changing lanes, exiting from the speed and straight lines of the proverbial interstate highway … and an obligatory devotion to works filed under This is the way I have always {fill-in-the-blank}.” A time that equipped me to jump off cliffs and to live free.

We have to continually be jumping off cliffs and developing our wings on the way down. ~Kurt Vonnegut

15 reflection
It was a time to become unencumbered {detached} of the busyness and “stuff” stored in between my dreams and my dailies … a time of solitude and ponder. A time to expose the life I didn’t want to talk about. To admit that the aftermath of life-altering events had changed me in ways I never {ever!} imagined.

Each of us live a life few know about.

We have our reasons.  And …

everybody doesn’t need to know every thing.

Every jot and tittle of that life we rarely {if ever} share in conversations or capture images to facilitate its remembrance. This life may be split seconds of daring ourselves to break freetake a risk — or say what we need to say; or perhaps hours of private joy {or grief} in a relationship {with its private and public side}. Or the zeal about a project calling to us but we cannot imagine where to begin. Or the life of silent angst in the dark places of the heart.

15 the life of the heart

Be patient with your heart.
But listen to it … with intention.
Be generous with yourself …
love who you are in this moment.
Love is more than its romance
it is letting go.
Accepting who you are —
as you are — now.
Trusting that you are {enough}
regardless of how you feel.


Love is letting go, crossing over …

that which we once believed to be impossible.

The on-the-road images of this post were captured on the first leg of a road trip I was advised not to take seven years ago. It was the beginning of the debilitating prognosis-come-true with multiple sclerosis; it was also a risky trip emotionally because of my destination. But {rumpled} love fueled me over that which I believed to be impossible.

Because love and living free cannot be about expectations or fixing or changing ourselves to be “ready” or approved {and expecting that from others before we will “love” them}.


Love is deciding what we want — and not waiting for “the right time” or someone else’s approval or reciprocation. It is allowing ourselves wide open spaces to allow the process of becoming.

The decision itself is a moment of choice.

The execution {for me} took a full seven years.

At any point I could have divorced myself from my dreams. But regardless of what I would have decided — my dreams would forever remain mine.

Dormant — but not dead.  Because our lives are like seeds; each of us lonely in the long work of turning our lives into a celebration {in the paraphrased words of Mary Oliver}.

Living our dreams takes time, Braveheart.

But life takes time from us regardless of our choices.

The question becomes:

What else will we live in that time?

How will we love {within and for others}?

There comes a time when the world gets quiet and the only thing left is your own heart. So you’d better learn the sound of it. Otherwise you’ll never understand what it’s saying. ~Sarah Dessen

The truth of me lay somewhere inside. … This true version of me wore long skirts and many scarves. She had unruly hair and didn’t wear make up. She painted a lot. She was much more interested in daydreaming than doing. The path she was on was many textured and meandering. She was open hearted and honest to a fault. She was vulnerable. ~Julie Gibbons, [link]

2 thoughts on “Rumpled Love + Lent; Letting go + Living Free

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