Rumpled Love + Lent; Letting go + Living Free

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Learn how to breathe and when you think you are stronger, take more time. … Be patient with your heart. ~Tori Elfstrom

Seven years ago I learned how to breathe {again}. I took time. I was patient with my heart; it was being remodeled … walls which had created special places of respite, for the various roles and career choices, were being hammered to create a new space of Onward for me. My children no longer needed my daily care; they needed my love but they also needed space to explore all that was emerging within their hearts. They were independent and capable of making decisions on their own.

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I was emerging from a rumpled love …

A comfortable love — a love that had weathered and passed the tests of time. I was developing new layers in my wings, giving away and letting go as a meditation. It was the Lental season, a time I have always honored as a time of reflection, as opposed to a religious practice.

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Looking back, I see what a significant time it was for me. One of changing lanes, exiting from the speed and straight lines of the proverbial interstate highway … and an obligatory devotion to works filed under This is the way I have always {fill-in-the-blank}.” A time that equipped me to jump off cliffs and to live free.

We have to continually be jumping off cliffs and developing our wings on the way down. ~Kurt Vonnegut

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It was a time to become unencumbered {detached} of the busyness and “stuff” stored in between my dreams and my dailies … a time of solitude and ponder. A time to expose the life I didn’t want to talk about. To admit that the aftermath of life-altering events had changed me in ways I never {ever!} imagined.

Each of us live a life few know about.

We have our reasons.  And …

everybody doesn’t need to know every thing.

Every jot and tittle of that life we rarely {if ever} share in conversations or capture images to facilitate its remembrance. This life may be split seconds of daring ourselves to break freetake a risk — or say what we need to say; or perhaps hours of private joy {or grief} in a relationship {with its private and public side}. Or the zeal about a project calling to us but we cannot imagine where to begin. Or the life of silent angst in the dark places of the heart.

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Be patient with your heart.
But listen to it … with intention.
Be generous with yourself …
love who you are in this moment.
Love is more than its romance
it is letting go.
Accepting who you are —
as you are — now.
Trusting that you are {enough}
regardless of how you feel.

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Love is letting go, crossing over …

that which we once believed to be impossible.

The on-the-road images of this post were captured on the first leg of a road trip I was advised not to take seven years ago. It was the beginning of the debilitating prognosis-come-true with multiple sclerosis; it was also a risky trip emotionally because of my destination. But {rumpled} love fueled me over that which I believed to be impossible.

Because love and living free cannot be about expectations or fixing or changing ourselves to be “ready” or approved {and expecting that from others before we will “love” them}.

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Love is deciding what we want — and not waiting for “the right time” or someone else’s approval or reciprocation. It is allowing ourselves wide open spaces to allow the process of becoming.

The decision itself is a moment of choice.

The execution {for me} took a full seven years.

At any point I could have divorced myself from my dreams. But regardless of what I would have decided — my dreams would forever remain mine.

Dormant — but not dead.  Because our lives are like seeds; each of us lonely in the long work of turning our lives into a celebration {in the paraphrased words of Mary Oliver}.

Living our dreams takes time, Braveheart.

But life takes time from us regardless of our choices.

The question becomes:

What else will we live in that time?

How will we love {within and for others}?

There comes a time when the world gets quiet and the only thing left is your own heart. So you’d better learn the sound of it. Otherwise you’ll never understand what it’s saying. ~Sarah Dessen

The truth of me lay somewhere inside. … This true version of me wore long skirts and many scarves. She had unruly hair and didn’t wear make up. She painted a lot. She was much more interested in daydreaming than doing. The path she was on was many textured and meandering. She was open hearted and honest to a fault. She was vulnerable. ~Julie Gibbons, [link]

2 thoughts on “Rumpled Love + Lent; Letting go + Living Free

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