my steps to living my questions {now}

And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will find them gradually, without noticing it, and live along some distant day into the answer. ~Rainer Maria Rilke

There are questions that I carry with me.

Questions written on my heart …

how much is too much? {big dreams, activity, sleep, investing my time/talent/energy}
what are the limits regarding me talking about my constant pain and restriction?
when is it unreasonable to ignore physical symptoms in lieu of having some fun?
how can focus on my limitations without them becoming limits?
what is the balance of self-study and experimentation, and just doin’ it?

It is my intention to allow the answers to be fluid and determined according to my preferences, not a set of should’s — and certainly not according to anyone’s expectations!

There are declarations that I carry with me.

And sometimes I stall out with too many questions, or because I doubt the direction I am heading … or I simply lose my focus due to circumstances beyond my control. Living with a chronic {and unpredictable} illness is a test of one’s faith; it is an opportunity to live completely outside previously determined boundaries …

And sometimes it simply means you stop everything. Unplug phones, turn off computers and other electronic devices … and take a nap. When you wake up, you remind yourself that you know what you want — and you know how to move confidently in the direction of your dreams — sans the expectations of what that will look like …

Expectations are resentments under construction. ~Anne Lamott

And sometimes you remind yourself that your dreams do not depend upon you. That seeds have everything they need for growth. It is merely your task to notice what aids {or deters} its growth; to make it your practice to assist with {its} growth. Your compulsion to run-faster, or to experience guilt, worry and obligation will not cause dreams seeds to grow or mature faster.

Today is a day for me to remember my steps to living my questions, Braveheart.

{Here are my steps to living my questions}

1. I will {clarify} my purpose {the desires of my heart; what makes me smile; that which energizes me} by pondering:

Why am I doing this {fill-in-the-blank}? This includes every block of time within my waking hours. {Because, I already know why I sleep.}
What determines this particular activity is consistent with my purpose? Is it worth it? What is its value, its contribution?

2. I will live within boundless, ever-widening circles; envisioning my dailies grouped in circles of change, intention and purpose.

Limits no longer daunt me … I am learning more and more about my personal limits each and every day. And it rocks!
Boundlessness means I am not limited by my limits; my circles are ever-widening — or ever-closing, as I determine necessary.
Circles don’t have corners in which I could get stuck … {No whining.} Everything cannot be a crisis.

3. I will allow myself times of pause and reflection in order to savor and observe my personal value, creativity and sparkly joy.

My circles include some major awesomeness! And I am both a contributor to, and receiver of, said awesomeness.
Fulfilling my purpose — accepting sparkly dares — facilitates more awesomeness and more ever-widening circles.
Awesomeness and sparkly dares effect a change {have a positive impact} … And that totally rocks! #secretmessage

4. I shall live my live with intention and sparkly undauntedness.

My time and energy have limits; I shall not waste either of those on fluffy, purposelessness situations. Period. No negotiations.
Everybody doesn’t need to know everything. I do not need to know everything; I cannot do everything — and that rocks!
Make no little plans. They have no magic to stir (wo)men’s blood and probably themselves will not be realized. ~Daniel Burnham, Chicago architect. (1846-1912)

5. I will be open to possibilities. Every day is a canvas awaiting the wide, fluid brush of risk and failure.

Baby steps count.
Rest is not idleness.
Failure is a priceless lesson that cannot be avoided.

6. Adaptation is not failure. {Can I get an amen!}

My value is not determined by my actions {art/work}.
Life is about writing what matters upon one’s heart.
Life is not about keeping score, regret or what-if’s.

7. Time — not lists — will determine my course.

Time is limited; it is finite and predictable — and it is on my side!
Lists are my art; they are infinite and sparkly and delightfully-unpredictable!!!!!
I am not behind; I cannot catch-up. I am not behind; I cannot catch-up.

Perhaps the truth depends on a walk around the lake. ~Wallace Stevens

The truth is: Embracing ease and consistency {focused-intention} — not living within an exhaustive frenzy — facilitates life being what we desire it to be.

Letting go of what we cannot handle, accept or accomplish is not failure. Let me write that again: Letting go of what we cannot handle, accept or accomplish is not failure.