mothers, moms, mothering and other mucky stuff

Lovingly dedicated to my Bravehearts: Gosh, I love you! I continually realize {sit-with, gratefully-reflect} how much your glittery, collaged love {and the title, Fairy Godmother} has healed me in deep and unexpected ways. I am grateful for the pure {undiluted} life you give to me so freely; I am mesmerized by the invisible and yet, sparkly tangible threads that connect us and facilitate the vulnerable and undaunted within our days. ♥

It is a fake holiday. Meaning it {Mother’s Day} was legislated as a day to celebrate instead of an anniversary of an actual event.

It is to be celebrated. Meaning it does represent something that is life-giving, life-changing: in good, bad and ugly ways {gave us life/can strangle}.

It depends …

Upon relationship. And relationships are never nice and tidy.

Upon a zillion details. And the devil is in the details.

The birth of a child designates a birth mother, but sometimes not a mom. Life happens. It is messy. It flings a zillion details at both mothers and children — at each and every stage of living.

We remain in that which we have Grace; we linger in that which we hope-and-pray for Grace … and ultimately … we detach from the {un}Graced. We detach in both tangible and intangible ways — ways that cannot be described with mere letters and syllables … mostly in unseen ways.

Life happens. It is messy.

And yet … no matter what, we remain in need {and want} of mothering relationships. These mothering {nurturing} relationships drift into our one wild and precious life in varied ways, weaving into the fabric of our being for reasons or seasons or a lifetime.

Love remains.

Nurturing relationships serendipitously develop because of proximity, common threads or purpose … or when we find one another in The Dark Place. It is Divine Love {and our willful choice} that gently envelops us in these relationships.

It is this divine, free-flowing love — not our own understanding or facts — that leads us to seek out nurturing relationships. Two are better than one — we know that. We seek our “other” … “others” … those kindred spirits who sit with us quietly or sound the revelry — or whatever else the situation may warrant.

Some people will never learn anything…because they understand everything too soon. ~Alexander Pope

Love shattered.

We thrive on the notions of being loved and accepted, giving love and acceptance — despite the realities of our own understanding and experience of the “broken” loves of our one wild and precious life: When nurturing {in the name of love} becomes control and expectation, when comfort {in the name of love} becomes confining and restrictive, and when the constant lack of reconciliation along the way finally dissolves all but the facts of a relationship.

Mothering self.

Sometimes I believe we seek mothering {without regard to our experience and “understanding” with broken love} because we resist mothering ourselves. We give away our supply of Nurture out our need to be nurtured, held. Accepted.

We resist allowing ourselves to see {our-self} as worthy of:

• unconditional love
• silent solitude
• guidance
• forgiveness
• kindness
• being held
• being cared for …
• protected from bullies

We cannot unconditionally give what we will not receive.

We cannot fairly judge what we do not understand, or have not experienced — first-person.

Thus … it is an unjust circular pattern to assume why mothering gets mucky for any of us … why “bad things happen to good people.” Why someone will not {cannot?} love us in a way we understand … in a way we can translate emotionally, and embrace, utilize and benefit.

Acceptance.

As a woman of years, I have viewed and experienced “motherhood” from countless perspectives: daughter; granddaughter; babysitter; friend; drinkin’ buddy; mentee; mentor … godmother and mother {adoptive and birth, infertile and miscarrying}. And most recently as the winner of the titles of: “Midwife to Artists” and “Fairy Godmother“ …

I have my “adopted” {daughters} and {mothers} who embraced {and continue to embrace, literally and figuratively} me in love. Some for reasons, some merely for seasons … and some for a lifetime.

My whole body grins when memories and promised tomorrows flash through my mind which include the young women who adopted me in their love and kindness. Who unexpectedly {and unconditionally} wrapped their arms around me and loved me as both a friend and a mother {nurturer; warrior-leader}. ♥

My heart sings, loudly and sometimes off-key, when I reflect upon the women who have mothered me in deep, life-changing ways. Women who inspired me with their wholehearted acceptance and care, their honesty and true love.

I don’t wait for moods. You accomplish nothing if you do that. Your mind must know it has got to get down to work. ~Pearl S. Buck

Complicated.

With all that love-possibility … Why is this fake holiday so heavily collaged with layers of questions and misunderstandings, and outright suffering?

Mud Pies

Because {making a} life is like a mud pie: Easy to create but difficult to “digest” … Because what we see and what {it} actually is, are two completely different realities.

Be the one who nurtures and builds. Be the one who has an understanding and a forgiving heart one who looks for the best in people. Leave people better than you found them. ~Marvin J. Ashton

When we compare our one wild and precious life with another person’s one wild and precious life, hers looks like chocolate. But her choices and daily realities may be difficult to digest, and quite possibly tastes like dirt!

Speaking of chocolate …

Sarah Kay: If I should have a daughter …

{Love and prayers to those who need to know they are seen and loved this weekend. BTW, I have chocolate and rainboots!} ox ♥

Tagged as: relationships