Art involves intimacy with yourself, but also with other people. It is a way of being close and exchanging love. -Sheila Heti
The need for intimacy with myself was the first hurdle concerning my intention to overcome what felt like constant burnout. I realize now I believed a false value for measurable productivity.
Measured productivity only as a completed project plan — dated progress points, with definitive starting and end points — or public recognition or compensation: publication, income, popularity [brand and name recognition, number of “followers” or referrals].Intimacy with myself required that I meander; to allow ease and curiosity to take the lead of each day. It eventually required I pause my service projects and personal commitments; the time and energy required was costing all that I had available.
Intimacy with other people had become a diversion from investing my time and energy into my art.
I didn’t realize this at the time, but because I inaccurately valued measurable productivity — I didn’t value my work or intimacy with myself.
There was no set schedule, I wasn’t working from any type of plan and earning only a minimal income. My mindset was “Why not give my time and energy to others?” I was doing what was in my heart and giving to people for whom I cared deeply.
How could honoring what was in my heart be in error?
It wasn’t. It simply needed re-calibrating. ♥
- I will be exploring that for a while, Braveheart: [posts in this series]